Doggie Difference Defender Pillows

"I guess people want dogs with no problems. Lucky for me, all I've got is quirks."

No Soliciting

A Change of Scene.

'Now listen: Based on the position of the kennel and the length of the leash, only the shaded part of the garden is dangerous...'

'Oh, the usual, a postman, a couple of salesmen, a pizza delivery boy, how was your day?'

'You're leaving if I'm going to inject him?...

Dog being carried off by ducks.

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

'Oh oh...this isn't my mace, it's whipped cream!'

A dog reads a newspaper

"Did you or did you not perform the fake ball toss on my client, causing irreparable humiliation?"

'Roger that...I'm taking the first clean shot I can get.'

"I wonder if the dumb obedience school gives a warranty..."

"No, I said 'sit'."

Castle Cat Flap

"Worms."

My first pro bono case.

'This is my toughest soldier -- He's been through Mom's vacuum cleaner eight times!'

'Isn't this great? Now Winston can know we're excited to see him too!'

'Shut-up, stupid dog!'

"You got off easy. They put me under house arrest."

"The Internet is down, so I got bored. They'll understand."

Dog training tip: always make sure humans go through the doorways first.

"It's for what?! I thought it was a bark amplifier!

'Get this straight, I'm a guard dog: I don't fetch the newspaper!'

Seeing Eye to Eye Dog

'Sammy's going to take you for a little walk.'

'And if he does get through the invisible fence, our drone will zap him from 40,000 feet.'

"That should keep him off our backs for a while."

'I'll kill that dog of yours.'

Stupid cell phone. One more thing he hated about walking her yappy little dog.

'Don't worry Vicar. He's only looking at you like that because you're eating off his plate...'

"It's a dog-eat-dog world? I wish!"

'Baxter wouldn't hurt a fly. Unfortunately fleas are another matter.'