Document Master Gifts

'It's only fair to warn you that if you get the job there would be a lot of filing involved.'

'3 Second Loading Zone.'

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

'You'll soon get the hang of it - then they'll change it.'

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

"It's about the murder of an editor who refuses to publish a writer's work..."

'Congratulations on your purchase of the new Kablooey! Desk Organizer! Instructions for use...'

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

'We don't know what it is but it was in the sale so we thought we'd better get one before they sold out.'

"By God, for a minute there it suddenly all made sense!"

Editor.

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'

Bureau to cut back on bureaucratic paperwork...

During his financial report to the board of directors, Ted hits the poignancy button by mistake.

InOutYada Yada.

'I have created the first interactive pile of paperwork.'

'Tommy's book reports are like no other.'

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

Publisher to writer: 'It was a great read, except I collided with run-on sentences, tripped over broken English and got knocked about by a dangling participle.'

"We do not usually acknowledge unsolicited manuscripts, but we want you to know that we tore yours into tiny pieces. Yours sincerely, The Op-Ed Page."

Top Secret/Middle Secret/Bottom Secret

"I've put every one of those vital master copies through here, and it took ages. Where do the copies come out?"

"When you reach the bottom of the pile, you'll find this week's paycheck."

After forty-seven years in management, it was only appropriate that he be buried in paperwork.

Records?

"And this all happened in the last week..."

"Your book stinks—we want to publish it."

"We need a better piling system."

This is Pandora, our new Content Manager.

In and Out Trays

'Look on it as... constructive criticism.'

'Your new book is full of mistakes: the critics will have a field day.'

"We'll publish your book, doctor, but we'll have to get a second opinion."

Rubbish, Poppycock, Balderdash