Document Master Gifts

'It's only fair to warn you that if you get the job there would be a lot of filing involved.'

'3 Second Loading Zone.'

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

'You'll soon get the hang of it - then they'll change it.'

'Congratulations on your purchase of the new Kablooey! Desk Organizer! Instructions for use...'

"It's about the murder of an editor who refuses to publish a writer's work..."

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

'We don't know what it is but it was in the sale so we thought we'd better get one before they sold out.'

"By God, for a minute there it suddenly all made sense!"

Editor.

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'

Bureau to cut back on bureaucratic paperwork...

'Tommy's book reports are like no other.'

'I have created the first interactive pile of paperwork.'

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

InOutYada Yada.

During his financial report to the board of directors, Ted hits the poignancy button by mistake.

Publisher to writer: 'It was a great read, except I collided with run-on sentences, tripped over broken English and got knocked about by a dangling participle.'

"We do not usually acknowledge unsolicited manuscripts, but we want you to know that we tore yours into tiny pieces. Yours sincerely, The Op-Ed Page."

Records?

"Your book stinks—we want to publish it."

Top Secret/Middle Secret/Bottom Secret

"And this all happened in the last week..."

"When you reach the bottom of the pile, you'll find this week's paycheck."

"I've put every one of those vital master copies through here, and it took ages. Where do the copies come out?"

"We need a better piling system."

This is Pandora, our new Content Manager.

In and Out Trays

'They'll never take my word for it -- You'd better put them in writing.'

'Look on it as... constructive criticism.'

Rubbish, Poppycock, Balderdash

"We'll publish your book, doctor, but we'll have to get a second opinion."

'Your new book is full of mistakes: the critics will have a field day.'