Letter Master Gifts

Playing Scrabble.

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

'It's only fair to warn you that if you get the job there would be a lot of filing involved.'

"It's about the murder of an editor who refuses to publish a writer's work..."

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

"Wordle in two! You hear me? Two!!"

"By God, for a minute there it suddenly all made sense!"

Editor.

'I can't get out! -- I lost the owner's manual!'

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'

'Wow, I sure got a lot of mail today!'

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

'The kids are grown and gone now, but they always keep in touch.'

Mail Pattern Baldness - A man with a bald patch in the form of a mailing envelope.

Publisher to writer: 'It was a great read, except I collided with run-on sentences, tripped over broken English and got knocked about by a dangling participle.'

"We do not usually acknowledge unsolicited manuscripts, but we want you to know that we tore yours into tiny pieces. Yours sincerely, The Op-Ed Page."

A stylized man in pyjamas

'That's part of the reason for our problem. We lost the key to the door.'

"Your book stinks—we want to publish it."

"There are exceptions. Sometimes it's possible to have buzz without any hype whatsoever."

Open Mike for the spotlight operators

'To find out how to start your new mobile, please read the manual. T' read the manual, please start your mobile.

'Look on it as... constructive criticism.'

"FISH ON"

'Your new book is full of mistakes: the critics will have a field day.'

Rubbish, Poppycock, Balderdash

"We'll publish your book, doctor, but we'll have to get a second opinion."

Woman disposes of partner's squash kit in hazardous waste container.

"Right here is where you lost the narrative flow."

'You will write a book, but it won't be on Oprah's recommended list.'

"The instructions state that some anger, frustration and confusion is expected."

"Here it is - my novel. I'll be interested to hear your compliments."