Divorce Satire Fan Gifts

'I'm divorcing you...and I want custody of the squids.'

'When Jane divorced me she let me keep my loin cloth.'

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

"Yes ... no!"

'Your therapy helped me leave Frank. Franks wants to thank you personally.'

Revenge Graffiti.

"I'm sorry, but it's just not going to work out between us. We're contraindicated."

"So let me see... for your last will you have decided to bequeath all your unpaid tax bills to your ex husband."

"I liked you better as my first husband."

'I'm sorry, but according to this there's nothing I can do. It appears your species mates for life.'

'I didn't get the settlement I was hoping for...turns out I'd already spent most of his money while we were married.'

'We've agreed to divide your community property 50-50...50% for your wife and 50% for her attorney.'

'And I thought I was leaving you.'

"Didn't you find it attractive that he was a "Free Range Chicken'?"

'I got custody of the kids.'

'Apparently my ex's idea of heaven was to punch me in the eye.'

'I can't go on like this Wilfred - you've changed so - You're no longer the man I married.'

She left Friday. He noticed Tuesday, when all the clean towels ran out.

For 364 days of the year Santa was a very successsful divorce lawyer.

"If music be the food of love, shut up."

'You get all the money and both cars? How is THAT fair?'

"In order to separate, one of us has to move out."

'I agree, Hadley, we've seen very little of each other but that's what I intended when I divorced you.'

Divorcees Club - The Joy of Ex.

"It was ugly, she got custody of the tin cans, chewed tyre and the rusty bike pump... And I got the kids!"

'I call it, 'Albert Was Insufferable'.'

"I've got to be honest with you. I've been married three times and each of them flew the coop."

'Well, I think that's a fair split. I get the house, and you get the mortgage repayments.'

"The law says his wife gets half of everything he owns."

"When I first started school all I wanted were A's but since hitting puberty I'm far more interested in D's."

"Mommy divorced Daddy because Daddy was noncompliant."

'Steve's divorce was really harsh - His wife got the house.'

'Currently, my assets are diversified. They're split up among my 4 ex-wives.'

Congratulations on your Divorce