Divorce Satire Lover Gifts

"So let me see... for your last will you have decided to bequeath all your unpaid tax bills to your ex husband."

'Your therapy helped me leave Frank. Franks wants to thank you personally.'

'I've been happily married for 15 years... that covers 3 marriages.'

"These should help me approach your father on his own level."

"I liked you better as my first husband."

'I'm sorry, but according to this there's nothing I can do. It appears your species mates for life.'

'I didn't get the settlement I was hoping for...turns out I'd already spent most of his money while we were married.'

'We've agreed to divide your community property 50-50...50% for your wife and 50% for her attorney.'

"Didn't you find it attractive that he was a "Free Range Chicken'?"

'And I thought I was leaving you.'

"It wasn't until after fifty years of marriage that Mike finally learned the importance of putting the seat down." "Happy anniversary. Now flush."

'I got custody of the kids.'

THE EX-FILES, 'It's about people who have trouble with their former spouses.'

"You've always let me down in this marriage."

'You get all the money and both cars? How is THAT fair?'

"In order to separate, one of us has to move out."

"It was ugly, she got custody of the tin cans, chewed tyre and the rusty bike pump... And I got the kids!"

'Currently, my assets are diversified. They're split up among my 4 ex-wives.'

'I agree, Hadley, we've seen very little of each other but that's what I intended when I divorced you.'

'Well, I think that's a fair split. I get the house, and you get the mortgage repayments.'

'I'm divorcing you...and I want custody of the squids.'

"I've got to be honest with you. I've been married three times and each of them flew the coop."

"The law says his wife gets half of everything he owns."

"Separate clouds, please."

Divorcees Club - The Joy of Ex.

'Steve's divorce was really harsh - His wife got the house.'

Congratulations on your Divorce

"Mommy divorced Daddy because Daddy was noncompliant."

'Why do divorces cost so much?' - 'Because they're worth it.'

'Can't we just get a divorce?'

Early divorce settlement

HUSBAND FOR SALE - Am keeping the house.

'Wow! Your wife's lawyer was really good, wasn't he?'

'My marriage is over. I gave that jerk the best hours of my life!'

'I used to be married but now I just have a motorcycle.'