Divine Documenter Gifts

Put it in writing!

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

'We've re-branded.'

Local News in Heaven

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

'Okay - who leaked?'

'When you pray, does God have call waiting?'

'God sees everything? You mean He channel surfs?'

A man looking at a piece of art through a phone camera

The Ordered List

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

"The deadline for compliance just kicked in."

'Wow! -- Talk about family values!'

God sends a text message: 'OMME!'

How's my Sermon . . .

Jesus wept

'let's work with what we've got -- take a few of the more promising apes, and add some extra memory.'

You Have 1 New Messages

Good Samaritan responding to hurt man: 'I'm part of God's TLC plan.'

'Entropy already? You just made it.'

Today's lesson: the plague of darkness

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

"All of my manifestations are currently busy however your prayer is important to me so please..."

'And tomorrow. . . the darkness will pass and all will be bathed in a celestial light that will unify and transform mankind. . .'

"That's just so God."

"Hang on Gary, I think our Tracy's having an Epiphany!"

"Well, you asked for a sign!"

"Thou," not "you"! "Shalt," not "shallow"! "Sayeth," not "sawtooth"! Gah, I'm gonna smite somebody! God's Autocorrect.

'What kind of God would let things like this happen?'

Foresight and Hindsight desk trays.

'You realize of course everything here is G-rated.'

"Got any ID?"

'I was afraid of this -- the evolution protocols are just confusing them.'

Bob finds God's wallet, and for one crazy moment, considers keeping it.

Never fails. Stay in all week, not one call. Step out for an hour to preach...