Divine Dilemmatician Gifts

"So join me in prayer for those who are damned if they do and damned if they don't..."

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

'Are you sure You can be objective? -After all, You did CREATE them.'

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

"He really isn't bad, per se, but he is kind of a jerk."

"If everything is God's will, tell me again why I need to study for exams?"

"Mr. Pope, please give this summons to your boss. The prosecutor wants to know how god can allow so much misery."

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

"I'm an agnostic now that I've started having self doubts."

A not-so-happy God, with the Humans, sticking an Eviction Notice to the Earth

"Having completed the formation of the earth, on the seventh day the Lord rested. Then, on the eighth day, the Lord said, 'Let there be problems.' And there were problems."

"If we went to war, wouldn't God be on the spot?"

'Just one God? - But won't he be outnumbered?'

"Instead of Red Team and Blue Team, why don't we make it Good v. Evil?"

"Sorry, I can't - I have to be everywhere."

'I'm all tired out from creating - let's just use NATURAL selection from now on.'

"This is a little embarrassing to admit, but everything that happens happens for no real reason."

'No, please, go on. It's so refreshing to talk to someone with an entirely different point of view.'

"I stand corrected..."

"Well, son, in a way, I suppose Jesus was a trust-fund baby."

'If we have everlasting life, what about entropy?'

"Hey, this is a good bit- did I say that?"

''Intelligent design'? -- Why, those patronizing little twerps!'

New Years Reolutions

"To find out if God exists let's ask an expert."

'Flying fish? - I TOLD you there was too much background radiation down there!'

'Oh, I believe in God -- I just think that he's overrated.'

Possible Merger Talks

God's Fly Swat...

"I'm a little disappointed you don't actually talk the same as in the KJV Bible."