Divine Dilemmatician Pillows

"So join me in prayer for those who are damned if they do and damned if they don't..."

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

'Are you sure You can be objective? -After all, You did CREATE them.'

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

"Mr. Pope, please give this summons to your boss. The prosecutor wants to know how god can allow so much misery."

"If everything is God's will, tell me again why I need to study for exams?"

"I'm an agnostic now that I've started having self doubts."

A not-so-happy God, with the Humans, sticking an Eviction Notice to the Earth

"Having completed the formation of the earth, on the seventh day the Lord rested. Then, on the eighth day, the Lord said, 'Let there be problems.' And there were problems."

"If we went to war, wouldn't God be on the spot?"

"Instead of Red Team and Blue Team, why don't we make it Good v. Evil?"

'Just one God? - But won't he be outnumbered?'

'I'm all tired out from creating - let's just use NATURAL selection from now on.'

"Sorry, I can't - I have to be everywhere."

"This is a little embarrassing to admit, but everything that happens happens for no real reason."

'No, please, go on. It's so refreshing to talk to someone with an entirely different point of view.'

"Well, son, in a way, I suppose Jesus was a trust-fund baby."

"I stand corrected..."

'If we have everlasting life, what about entropy?'

"Hey, this is a good bit- did I say that?"

New Years Reolutions

''Intelligent design'? -- Why, those patronizing little twerps!'

'Oh, I believe in God -- I just think that he's overrated.'

Possible Merger Talks

"To find out if God exists let's ask an expert."

"I'm a little disappointed you don't actually talk the same as in the KJV Bible."

'Flying fish? - I TOLD you there was too much background radiation down there!'

"This human experiment has gone on long enough. Give the hippos control."