Divine Dramatist Pillows

''Intelligent design'? -- Why, those patronizing little twerps!'

"Sorry, I can't - I have to be everywhere."

'This guy's asking for a motorcade.'

"There's always one!"

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

'Hon, I'm home!'

Local News in Heaven

I'm sorry, all our angels are busy at the moment. Please hold and your prayers will be answered in the order it was received.

'Oh-oh -- What hath He wrought now?'

'Read that last part back to me.'

Vicar wearing sunglasses.

"Beware of God"

'I'm afraid there is no Book of Loophole.'

Angel doing the hula hoop.

"They have to clean her up before they show her to God."

"So join me in prayer for those who are damned if they do and damned if they don't..."

"No, you cannot have another planet. You only played with the last one for a week."

2pm meet your Creator

"The amendments are coming next week!"

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

'Catch a pair of chimps and do a complete makeover on them.'

''Born again'? -- but I was just born five years ago!'

Out for lunch... GOD

'Telling me He works in mysterious ways!'

"Maybe you're right. Maybe the multiple exclamation points come across as over excited and insincere."

'Sorry, pastor, your soul's grace period is eternity, your car's is six minutes.'

'Have you got anything for omnipotence?'

"If he doesn't like the hand puppet routine, I'll try running the burning bush idea by him."

God sends a text message: 'OMME!'