Divine Diplomat Gifts

'And please let me appear sincere enough in my religious convictions to win the Christian vote.'

'Management says we've had it too good for too long. They're demanding concessions.'

Possible Merger Talks

Growl - Hiss Conflict Resolution Meeting

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

'We can't go on meeting like this'.

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

'Are you sure You can be objective? -After all, You did CREATE them.'

The ecumenical dinner party.

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

"Have your people call my people."

"He really isn't bad, per se, but he is kind of a jerk."

Donald Trump Bulldozing Mexico, Canada, Panama, Bolivia, and Greenland

"If everything is God's will, tell me again why I need to study for exams?"

"Honey, come quick! This guy in the comments section just solved the Middle East crisis."

We have a dream....

'When you pray, does God have call waiting?'

Nato Membership

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

"So join me in prayer for those who are damned if they do and damned if they don't..."

10 Commandments if God was a Woman...

A not-so-happy God, with the Humans, sticking an Eviction Notice to the Earth

'Negotiating skills need fine tuning.'

"Having completed the formation of the earth, on the seventh day the Lord rested. Then, on the eighth day, the Lord said, 'Let there be problems.' And there were problems."

"Instead of Red Team and Blue Team, why don't we make it Good v. Evil?"

'Just one God? - But won't he be outnumbered?'