Heavenly Diplomat Gifts

The Devil and an angel talk by the water cooler.

"Please ask your pet to kindly put down the weapon."

'We can't go on meeting like this'.

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

The ecumenical dinner party.

It's not a bad planet -- Their talk shows make it seem a lot worse than it is.

"What the hell, sweetheart―if you want it, it's yours!"

"Have your people call my people."

"Honey, come quick! This guy in the comments section just solved the Middle East crisis."

Donald Trump Bulldozing Mexico, Canada, Panama, Bolivia, and Greenland

We have a dream....

Nato Membership

"Shoulda brought the weed."

"Do you think it's a form of greeting?"

Hello, you've reached the private line of the Secretary of Defense. At last! We tried calling you all day yesterday to alert you to an imminent threat. How did you get this number? It was coming straight at your nation-state at speeds approaching Kebin 2. What are you talking about? What's "Klebin 2"? Apologies. In earthlingese that would be "mach 23," or 24.140.16 kilometers per hour. Good lord! I'd better wake ... Not to worry. Our sensors locked on to it as soon as it launched from your North

'Negotiating skills need fine tuning.'

"Three yummies, a pat on the head, and a 'Good doggy.' That's my client's final offer."

The next drone flight

US extortion on the UN regarding Jerusalem

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

Cherub on a cloud

The Deal of a Century

Russia's Ukrainian Ambitions.

"Here's another fine mess you've gotten us into."

"She called me immature, And if that wasn't bad enough, she burst my bouncy castle."

"China Ministry of State Security Royal Infiltration Training Unit"

Landing That Tough Account

'It's Always 'Good Dog'—Never 'Great Dog.'

'A Telegram, M'Lord.'

"I'm just saying, studies show that owning a human can improve the quality of your life."

Serious business

"I'm about ready to forgive the French."

'Oh, yes, you will get off!'

"Wow, interesting, looks like she's not just being mean: research shows that chocolate is actually bad for us. . ."