Heavenly Negotiator Gifts

Union Rep

"Because of the economic situation they've relaxed the rules."

"Well, so far I'm managing to stay above the fray."

"I just called to say I love you, but come to think of it - can I borrow some money?"

"You should hire me now, before my skills completely deteriorate."

"Who do we talk to about buying your planet?"

"My therapist says you have to at least meet me half way."

Agreeing to Disagree Mediators...Open.

"Is there room for me?"

'When it comes to giving a bonus...some people will stop at nothing.'

"How about a discount for the little lady, pal, as your way of saying thanks for the bailout?"

'I'm afraid I can't do business with you, Miss Carstairs -- you're just too damned cute.'

'Ready for your first lesson in negotiations?'

'Of COURSE we appreciate having someone with your expertise in mergers and acquisitions, but offhand I can't think of another corporation that would match up with ours.'

Insurance Company representative with rabbi to lawyer and client: 'I brought hiim along to assure you we would negotiate in good faith.'

'Management says we've had it too good for too long. They're demanding concessions.'

"Remember: Say what you mean, but don't mean what you say."

'Listen, I obeyed more or less 25% of your commandments. Don't you think that I deserve a promotion or at least a little raise for that?'

'This bathroom ain't big enough for the both of us.'

"Dad, I want another dog for my birthday." "NO." "OK. I want a stripper girlfriend for my birthday." "What kind of dog do you want."

'They're still ticked off about losing the cost-of-living allowance.'

David meets Goliath's lawyer.

"A spot near the almighty!"

"After this I'll just need you to remove the watermark from your soul."

The Devil and an angel talk by the water cooler.

"Anything's possible if you know the right people."

Subway rider holds onto man's tie.

"Penny for your thoughts, Jenkins? I'd sell you mine but you couldn't afford them."

'I'll compromise. I'll admit I'm wrong if you admit I'm right.'

'I'm going for a plea bargain. Right now, I'm accused of being a lazy slug. But if I plead guilty, I might get it reduced to the lesser charge of malingering.'

USA vs. Iranian nuclear program.

"He's not comfortable with confrontation...So he tries to find forms of 'feedback' that he finds less stressful."

"A counter offer? Really, sir?"

"Alternative Dispute Resolution"

I'm looking for somebody honest, but not scrupulously honest.