Faithful Negotiator Gifts

Insurance Company representative with rabbi to lawyer and client: 'I brought hiim along to assure you we would negotiate in good faith.'

"My client's offer is five Hail Marys."

"I see we're going up against the Big Guys."

'But, Mom. Think of all the leftovers he can thankfully eliminate.'

'She flunked me, but I plea-bargained my way up to a C-plus!'

"Stock options won't do it. I'll also need a ball of yarn."

"Well, so far I'm managing to stay above the fray."

"I'll trade you my cupcake for your head lice."

"All this is mine now! I had my lawyers declare you incompetent!"

"You should hire me now, before my skills completely deteriorate."

"I just called to say I love you, but come to think of it - can I borrow some money?"

'Talking about Jesus is NOT name-dropping!'

"My therapist says you have to at least meet me half way."

"I learned that I'm more of a leaf pile jumper and less of a leaf pile raker."

'Once they noticed your tail wagging, they stopped upping their offer.'

'When it comes to giving a bonus...some people will stop at nothing.'

Agreeing to Disagree Mediators...Open.

"How about a discount for the little lady, pal, as your way of saying thanks for the bailout?"

'I'm afraid I can't do business with you, Miss Carstairs -- you're just too damned cute.'

'Ready for your first lesson in negotiations?'

"I'm not eating candy before dinner. I'm skipping dinner."

"It's a note from teacher. She wants to trade the apple I gave her for my chocolate fudge brownie."

'I'll trade you my topsoil for your apple.'

"If you promise to be very careful, Mommy will let you carry the baguettes."

"Dad, I want another dog for my birthday." "NO." "OK. I want a stripper girlfriend for my birthday." "What kind of dog do you want."

'Management says we've had it too good for too long. They're demanding concessions.'

"Lord, if my prayers are pleasing to Thee, please confirm by fax."

David meets Goliath's lawyer.

'This is God I Missed you in church last Sunday.'

'Answer me! It's your mother! Don't give me that vow of silence!'

'At the last meeting 7 members of the board disagreed. I remember you said that they'd regret it...'

'You don't have to worry about using up your minutes.'

'...and you can read the rest of it on my blog.'

"I'll help you find where you buried your bones, but I get a 5% finder's fee."

True Believer