Daring Negotiator Gifts

"My therapist says you have to at least meet me half way."

"I see we're going up against the Big Guys."

'She flunked me, but I plea-bargained my way up to a C-plus!'

'But, Mom. Think of all the leftovers he can thankfully eliminate.'

"Stock options won't do it. I'll also need a ball of yarn."

"Well, so far I'm managing to stay above the fray."

"I'll trade you my cupcake for your head lice."

"All this is mine now! I had my lawyers declare you incompetent!"

"I don't just want you to give me a raise, I want you to WANT to give me a raise."

"You should hire me now, before my skills completely deteriorate."

"I just called to say I love you, but come to think of it - can I borrow some money?"

"I learned that I'm more of a leaf pile jumper and less of a leaf pile raker."

Boss, I've got a new idea. And it will totally empower on-demand collaboration and idea-sharing. Not again. It'll synergistically maintain error-free catalysts for change, while progressively meshing stand-alone methods of reconceptualization. Look, I've already told you. You're not getting a raise, not matter how much business jargon you use. But an extra $2 an hour would dramatically generate error-free opportunities for a tax deduction. No means no.

'Just sign your approval for the heliport and we can both go about our business.'

'Once they noticed your tail wagging, they stopped upping their offer.'

Danny reminds his dad that he had forgotten to pay him for raking the yard.

'I'm afraid I can't do business with you, Miss Carstairs -- you're just too damned cute.'

"How about a discount for the little lady, pal, as your way of saying thanks for the bailout?"

Agreeing to Disagree Mediators...Open.

'Ready for your first lesson in negotiations?'

"It's a note from teacher. She wants to trade the apple I gave her for my chocolate fudge brownie."

"I'm not eating candy before dinner. I'm skipping dinner."

Insurance Company representative with rabbi to lawyer and client: 'I brought hiim along to assure you we would negotiate in good faith.'

"You tell me where you hid the remote and I'll tell you where I hid your phone."

"Remember: Say what you mean, but don't mean what you say."

"Dad, I want another dog for my birthday." "NO." "OK. I want a stripper girlfriend for my birthday." "What kind of dog do you want."

"If you promise to be very careful, Mommy will let you carry the baguettes."

'I'll trade you my topsoil for your apple.'

David meets Goliath's lawyer.

'It's a deal. You buy my insurance and I'll buy your knitted booties.'

'At the last meeting 7 members of the board disagreed. I remember you said that they'd regret it...'

M.D. I hope you brought more candy --- Your HMO just raised you co-pay.

"I'll help you find where you buried your bones, but I get a 5% finder's fee."

"I guess this is about as hostile as we can make this takeover."

'This is your list for Santa?? A corvette? A 50' TV?. . . If you don't become an ambulance chasing lawyer. . . you've missed your calling.'