Cheerful Negotiator Gifts

'She flunked me, but I plea-bargained my way up to a C-plus!'

"I see we're going up against the Big Guys."

'But, Mom. Think of all the leftovers he can thankfully eliminate.'

"Stock options won't do it. I'll also need a ball of yarn."

'Even though you're the client, it's my duty to tell you you're wrong. . . Ok then. Speak slowly so I can write down your every whim.'

"Well, so far I'm managing to stay above the fray."

"I'll trade you my cupcake for your head lice."

"All this is mine now! I had my lawyers declare you incompetent!"

"You should hire me now, before my skills completely deteriorate."

"I just called to say I love you, but come to think of it - can I borrow some money?"

'If I eat three more pieces of meat and three more spoonfuls of peas, I want three puddings after!'

"My therapist says you have to at least meet me half way."

"I learned that I'm more of a leaf pile jumper and less of a leaf pile raker."

"I usually only fist-bump on the first deal but what the heck."

'I'm afraid I can't do business with you, Miss Carstairs -- you're just too damned cute.'

"How about a discount for the little lady, pal, as your way of saying thanks for the bailout?"

Agreeing to Disagree Mediators...Open.

'Ready for your first lesson in negotiations?'

"It's a note from teacher. She wants to trade the apple I gave her for my chocolate fudge brownie."

"I'm not eating candy before dinner. I'm skipping dinner."

"You tell me where you hid the remote and I'll tell you where I hid your phone."

"We're offering twenty million plus incentives over a four-year period, Mrs. Morton. Can Timmy come out and play?"

Insurance Company representative with rabbi to lawyer and client: 'I brought hiim along to assure you we would negotiate in good faith.'

"Dad, I want another dog for my birthday." "NO." "OK. I want a stripper girlfriend for my birthday." "What kind of dog do you want."

'I'll trade you my topsoil for your apple.'

"If you promise to be very careful, Mommy will let you carry the baguettes."

'It's a deal. You buy my insurance and I'll buy your knitted booties.'

David meets Goliath's lawyer.

"We had the union meeting here because I felt this was the most appropriate place to present management's contract offer."

"I'll help you find where you buried your bones, but I get a 5% finder's fee."

'This is your list for Santa?? A corvette? A 50' TV?. . . If you don't become an ambulance chasing lawyer. . . you've missed your calling.'

"I guess this is about as hostile as we can make this takeover."

"We always lose these staring contests. Their top negotiator has no eyelids!"

'I'll compromise. I'll admit I'm wrong if you admit I'm right.'

'I'm going for a plea bargain. Right now, I'm accused of being a lazy slug. But if I plead guilty, I might get it reduced to the lesser charge of malingering.'