Clever Negotiator Gifts

'I'm going for a plea bargain. Right now, I'm accused of being a lazy slug. But if I plead guilty, I might get it reduced to the lesser charge of malingering.'

"Dad, I want another dog for my birthday." "NO." "OK. I want a stripper girlfriend for my birthday." "What kind of dog do you want."

"Gracie, why are you watching so much TV?"

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

Tug of Negotiation and Conciliation.

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

"I see we're going up against the Big Guys."

'She flunked me, but I plea-bargained my way up to a C-plus!'

'But, Mom. Think of all the leftovers he can thankfully eliminate.'

"Stock options won't do it. I'll also need a ball of yarn."

'Miss Finch, find out what she does over there and offer her twice as much to do it over here.'

'Maybe you should reconsider those place cards, Ms Harris?' (Negotiation talks/Good Guys/Bad Guys)

"Let me get this, but keep in mind that you'll pay for it in other, more subtle ways later on."

"So do I take it that's a 'NO' to the pay rise?"

'Even though you're the client, it's my duty to tell you you're wrong. . . Ok then. Speak slowly so I can write down your every whim.'

"Finally we have something in common...mutual distrust."

"Before we begin, we'd like to remind you that we're an employee owned company."

Sure, I'll sit, but I want half the treat upfront.

"Well, so far I'm managing to stay above the fray."

"Just to get the negotiations off on the right foot, I don't intent to concede anything."

"Before we start our wages negotiation talks, the lads would like to congratulate the chairman on his 83% salary increase."

"Your interest in the salary makes me wonder how 'self-motivated' you really are."

"I'll trade you my cupcake for your head lice."

'My final offer.'

"All this is mine now! I had my lawyers declare you incompetent!"

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

"The union is objecting to our 'grotesquely inflated' wages, do you think they'd settle for 'outrageously inflated' instead?"

'If negotiations sour, throw a handful in his eyes.'

'Sir, for Heavens' sake, stop screaming! It's just Mr Winkleberger asking for a raise!'

After the latest pay bonus and benefit awards you've won, I've decided to join you on the shop floor.

"I just called to say I love you, but come to think of it - can I borrow some money?"

"You should hire me now, before my skills completely deteriorate."

"Marriage, mortal combat. Tomato, tomahto."

'Thanks for coming. Now, let's see if we can bring this negotiation to closure.'