Skillful Negotiator Gifts

"You should hire me now, before my skills completely deteriorate."

'Now that I have your attention...'

'That last meeting was a complete turn-off.'

"I see we're going up against the Big Guys."

Do you want to win the game or my business?

'Maybe we should sign him before the MVP award is announced.'

'But, Mom. Think of all the leftovers he can thankfully eliminate.'

"Stock options won't do it. I'll also need a ball of yarn."

'Duly noted. Now, shall we move on or does anyone else feel the need to have a conniption?'

"These are excellent qualifications... so good that our largest competitor would gladly pay you twice as much."

'So, how much to remove this ugly old tree? $1750. It's not THAT ugly.'

"I'm getting tired of telling you you can't have a raise!"

"Well, so far I'm managing to stay above the fray."

"Can you believe those guys? We tell them absolutely, positively no further negotiations, and they stop negotiating!"

"I'll trade you my cupcake for your head lice."

"All this is mine now! I had my lawyers declare you incompetent!"

"I just called to say I love you, but come to think of it - can I borrow some money?"

Tsipras and Merkel

'Someone come and mediate our argument about mediation!'

'Just sign your approval for the heliport and we can both go about our business.'

"My therapist says you have to at least meet me half way."

"I learned that I'm more of a leaf pile jumper and less of a leaf pile raker."

Danny reminds his dad that he had forgotten to pay him for raking the yard.

Soooo, you want to play hardball.

"So...were they open to negotiations?"

"How about a discount for the little lady, pal, as your way of saying thanks for the bailout?"

'I'm afraid I can't do business with you, Miss Carstairs -- you're just too damned cute.'

Agreeing to Disagree Mediators...Open.

'Ready for your first lesson in negotiations?'

"It's a note from teacher. She wants to trade the apple I gave her for my chocolate fudge brownie."

"I'm not eating candy before dinner. I'm skipping dinner."

We can't top your previous salary, but we can give you a more prestigious email address.

Insurance Company representative with rabbi to lawyer and client: 'I brought hiim along to assure you we would negotiate in good faith.'

"We're offering twenty million plus incentives over a four-year period, Mrs. Morton. Can Timmy come out and play?"

"Dad, I want another dog for my birthday." "NO." "OK. I want a stripper girlfriend for my birthday." "What kind of dog do you want."