Divine Comedy Reader Gifts

"Limbo as such has been phased out, but we'll be keeping you on hold for an unspecified amount of time."

"Damnit—Every game ends in stalemate."

Emergency Bible for deathbed conversions only.

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"I never knew God was such a sports fan."

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

'It's not for myself, you understand."

'Let's have some fun... give Eve extra memory.'

"It's cool – God told us to!"

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

Zeus's Caddy

'A is for Arse.'

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

'I can't stand his 'holier than thou' attitude.'

'Well, there go all MY plans....'

Examination.

Jesus sighted walking off Malibu

''No other gods before me'? Oh - You're one of THOSE types.'

"Beware of God"

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

God pulling the plug on January 1st 2000

'And on June 30th of that same year, you used The Bible as a coaster?'

"Whew! What a day! I just get out of bed and all Hell breaks loose."

The Reason for Storms

"My name's God, and I approve this message."

The Assumption of Mary

"That's my boy!"

No, I'm not going to aim at that mouse, either!

"I can never remember if it's smite or smote."