Divine Comedy Lover Gifts

"He's talking about himself in the third person, again!"

'I'm afraid you did commit all these sins, sir. Would you like to see the video?'

'It doesn't matter that you never got caught!'

"The Lord works in mysterious ways ??" except on Sundays, when I take over."

"Gosh is it Wimbledon fortnight already?"

'Well, there go all MY plans....'

Heaven's IN/OUT filing.

Young Jesus learning to walk on water with waterwings around his ankles.

'Of course He never listens - He's OMNISCIENT!'

"Roof, please."

"No, we don't grant immunity for testifying against other people!"

'Those monkeys are taking forever to evolve - we need a back-up plan.'

'The Joy Of Sending People To Hell'.

"A lot of them I only pretend to watch over."

"Hmmmmm ... I don't see you on our 'friends' list ... "

'The good news is, Mr Filmore, this is heaven. The bad news is, this is posted property.'

Angels give God a joke - a box with an earth on a spring inside.

"So he pulls out a 1 iorn, see? I say to him. Bob I says, not even God can hit a 1 iron. Then, there was a flash of light and boom!"

'Even if God didn't see everything, sir, the orange jump suit would've given you away.'

'You said to hurry, so we used amino acids instead of dust.'

'Oh no. Not songs of praise'

'One really nice thing up here is that it's always very easy to get an audience with a Pope.'

'Yeah, I see what you mean - Okay, go ahead with Plan 'B' and that 'Noah' guy.'

"Private property." "Warning. We don’t forgive those who trespass against us."

If God's on our side, why did He give us George W. Bush?

"I don't care who your Dad is, you're spooking the fish"

God and His copilot

'Oh! I know!! We'll put you over there on that dirty little rain cloud!!'

"I didn't design mankind to be a short-sighted, self-destructive, ravening plague upon their planet. They figured that out all on their own."

Act of God

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

'Someone nicked them last night.'

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

God at the shopping mall...

"I can never remember if it's smite or smote."