Distracted Diner Gifts

Mobiles and books

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

'How is the water prepared?'

How to correctly estimate cooking time

'Oops! It's usually the devil to get any to come out!'

"Hey!-This looks like a good place!"

"The usual."

'Openly sobbing, or non-openly sobbing?'

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

'Would Sir & Madam per chance care to peruse the scratch & sniff dessert menu?'

"It's the Chef Surprise."

How is your soup, sir? Speaking for myself, it looks pretty good. I can't speak for the fly, of course.

Man eating his meal with his feet.

"To prevent any complaints like "when will our ordered food be served" guests can now follow the work in the kitchen on TV."

Gross! Get you external hard drive off the dinner table!

"Never mind the vintage, we just want to get pissed."

"I quit worrying. I've gone 100% non-non and completely free-free."

"We're well known for our freshly cooked food. Your order will be ready in a few minutes, Madame."

'Make up your mind, M'sieur — a hundred years from now, what difference will it make what you had for lunch today?'

"Our specials can also be accessed at www.todaysspecials.com."

'You don't need a menu here, mate. If you can't see it on my apron, we don't sell it.'

"I hear the sparrow-goldfish chowder is to die for...at least once."

'Mutter mutter...I was talking to my broccoli.'

"You asked for the soup of the day, you didn't specify what day."

"Nothing for me, thanks."

Theories expounded

In a coal miner diner, customers have fainted from the fumes.

'Come on, make it snappy I haven't got all day,'

'One slice of toast and a bottle of ketchup, please.'

'Troubled about eating meat? Ethicist on the premises.'

"The service here is terrible."

'We serve comfort food in a laid back atmosphere, so lower your expectations, be prepared to wait, and I'll be back for your order unless I go home.'

"Hurry up! I'm gasping for a cheese sandwhich."

"Judging by all the dishes, you have forgotten where the kitchen is. So, I programmed this GPS for you."

"I'll start with the arugula-and-goat-cheese salad, and then I'll have the blackened wolf."