Diner Deviant Gifts

'Oops! It's usually the devil to get any to come out!'

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

"Might I suggest something wicked for dessert?"

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

'How is the water prepared?'

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

'Waiter, there's a Fly-Agaric in my soup.'

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

'Can I have a Banana-Split' without the ice-cream?'

"Hey!-This looks like a good place!"

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

'I said, 'I'd like to see the chef!''

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."

Rare Medical Conditions - The compulsive desire to work out restaurant bills correctly

"Don't tell him anything."

"How 'local' is the fish?"

"I'll have your check in a moment, sir."

'Hey, Frenchie - you call this paupiettes de beouf aux legumes?'

Plane with banner shoots at another.

"What, exactly, did you say to the maître d'?"

How is your soup, sir? Speaking for myself, it looks pretty good. I can't speak for the fly, of course.

"You can tell it's a classy restaurant - they're ignoring us with panache."

Diner. We're out of link sausages. Are patties okay? Any pork in a storm!

'Mine was stone cold.'

'Yes, all our flambe dishes come with injury, liability insurance.'

'No, no... I ordered a tart, not a tort!'

"To prevent any complaints like "when will our ordered food be served" guests can now follow the work in the kitchen on TV."

'We're at an Italian restaurant this time, Kevin -- those are breadsticks, not giant-size chopsticks.'

'Well, that's the last of the garlic repellent.'

'Darling - are you finding these waiters rather over-attentive?'

"This place is slipping. The 'Chef's Surprise' looks more like a cook's confusion."