Diner Diver Gifts

Diner. We're out of link sausages. Are patties okay? Any pork in a storm!

Soup of the Day $1.50. What did you expect when you ordered "Soup of the Day" on Monday?

The textural omnivore.

'Hey, Frenchie - you call this paupiettes de beouf aux legumes?'

"Who had the extra thick shake?"

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'Before I order breakfast, which way is it to the 'International Bathroom of Pancakes'?'

'Not that sort of body building program!'

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

'Who gets the decaf?'

Countervailing Clichés.

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

Alphabet soup gets cold for slow readers.

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

Diner

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

'How is the water prepared?'

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

'Can I have flies with that'

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'