Diner Diver Gifts

The textural omnivore.

'Hey, Frenchie - you call this paupiettes de beouf aux legumes?'

"Who had the extra thick shake?"

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'Not that sort of body building program!'

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

Alphabet soup gets cold for slow readers.

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

Countervailing Clichés.

'Who gets the decaf?'

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

Diner

'How is the water prepared?'

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

'Can I have flies with that'

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

'Waiter, there's a Fly-Agaric in my soup.'

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup