Dining Diviner Gifts

'Evasion is such an ugly term - we prefer to call it lunch bill 'planning'.'

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

Gastrodamus.

'Waiter, there's going to be a fly in my soup!'

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

Countervailing Clichés.

'How is the water prepared?'

"Today I came across antiderenuclearizationalityness."

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

'Can I have flies with that'

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

'Waiter, there's a Fly-Agaric in my soup.'

"I'm getting plasma, iron and platelets. RH positive!"

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

"We're having a special today on bright futures."

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

You're pig-headed, Louis, I like that in a man.

Zagat Rated.

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

Rare Medical Conditions - The compulsive desire to work out restaurant bills correctly

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

"How 'local' is the fish?"

"I'll have your check in a moment, sir."

'I said, 'I'd like to see the chef!''

"Don't tell him anything."