Dining Diviner T-Shirts

'Evasion is such an ugly term - we prefer to call it lunch bill 'planning'.'

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

Gastrodamus.

'Waiter, there's going to be a fly in my soup!'

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

Countervailing Clichés.

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

'How is the water prepared?'

"Today I came across antiderenuclearizationalityness."

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

'Waiter, there's a Fly-Agaric in my soup.'

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

'Can I have flies with that'

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

"I'm getting plasma, iron and platelets. RH positive!"

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

"We're having a special today on bright futures."

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

'I said, 'I'd like to see the chef!''

You're pig-headed, Louis, I like that in a man.

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

Zagat Rated.

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

Rare Medical Conditions - The compulsive desire to work out restaurant bills correctly

"How 'local' is the fish?"

"I'll have your check in a moment, sir."

"Don't tell him anything."

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."