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"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

Diner

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"Expense account or regular?"

"Regular service or affected?"

"I think we'll pass up the Château Mouton-Rothschild '34."

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

'...and one 'death by chocolate', Sir.'

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

'How would you like your toast?'

'Let the record show that I suggested primordial souffl'ee.'

'Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!' 'That's not soup! It's gumbo.'

Waiter: 'I'm not really a waiter, I'm an actor. I'll act like I'm waiting on you.'

Dave's Hamburger Shop

"I'll have the Mediterranean truffle sea bass, pan seared, and thrown into my mouth from across the room."

"A votre sante!"

'I can't have you spending all of your money on fancy restaurants like this, Jeff.'

Emily's Slow Food Restaurant.

Zagat Rated.

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

"This IS a chicken fried steak!"

"We're out of flowers."