Divine Dining Lover Gifts

Heavenly Take Out

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'Before I order breakfast, which way is it to the 'International Bathroom of Pancakes'?'

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

Hello. I'm Ferdinand. I'll be monitoring the levels of bull at your table this evening. Menu. Menu.

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

Diner

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

"Regular service or affected?"

"Expense account or regular?"

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"I think we'll pass up the Château Mouton-Rothschild '34."

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

"The waiter said he wouldn't recommend the octopus, so what do you order? The octopus."

'How would you like your toast?'

'...and one 'death by chocolate', Sir.'

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

'Let the record show that I suggested primordial souffl'ee.'

"Can you recommend a wine that goes well with red meat, Zanex, and Lipitor?"

'Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!' 'That's not soup! It's gumbo.'

Waiter: 'I'm not really a waiter, I'm an actor. I'll act like I'm waiting on you.'

"A votre sante!"

'I can't have you spending all of your money on fancy restaurants like this, Jeff.'

Emily's Slow Food Restaurant.

Zagat Rated.

"I'll have the Mediterranean truffle sea bass, pan seared, and thrown into my mouth from across the room."

"This IS a chicken fried steak!"

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

Dave's Hamburger Shop