Diner Devotee Gifts

"House of Porridge"

"The knuckle sandwich looks good."

Chair massages.

Diner

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

"Don't get your hopes up, honey. I call everybody 'honey.'"

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

"We serve REAL maple syrup."

'That should get some more customers in here!'

'Of course it's cold. We serve breakfast anytime, but we only make it in the morning.'

'Would you folks care for some fresh maple syrup on your pancakes?'

'Todays special is yesterdays left overs.'

"Be right with you, folks."

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"One B.L.T., one cherry pie, and one bowl of chili with crackers on the side!"

"Open up. . . all our coffee cups are dirty."

"You can't expect me to learn this job in an hour."

"Of course the food's awful. Mom's home cooking."

"I'm the short order cook."

"Would it kill ya to call home once in a while?"

"This IS a chicken fried steak!"

Dave's Hamburger Shop

"Leave the pot, Gloria."

"This peas porridge tastes like it's none days old!"

Night virus

The tin woodsman discovers the advantages of having no heart,

'Sunnyside down.'

'A fly in your soup, eh? -- Call me if it gets any worse.'

'I'm going with the orange roughy. How about you?' 'Im' going with the waiter!'

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

'Rudy's Diner: We Thaw Only The Best.'

'A bowl of the primordial soup, please.'

'How would you like your toast?'

Dave's Diner.