Diner Adventurer Gifts

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

Today: Tomato Surprise. Of course the tomato surprise doesn't impress you, sir … You’re not a tomato.

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

'Who gets the decaf?'

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

"Your mother texted us that you're not getting enough to eat, so I brought you twice what you ordered."

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.

Seafood: "Of course our food is fresh."

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

'Would you folks like sparkling water or tap water?'

Al's Diner. Special: Spaghetti. All You Can Eat $3.95. Ernie, don't play with your food unless you're sure you can win.

Platter confusion.

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

'One placebo or two, doctor?'

Choice hellhole

"It's an extra $2.00 if you want a candle with a wick."

'How was the squid?'

"The usual."

Who had the cod, and who had the flying fish?

'Cook is a musician. Improvises. Never makes the same thing twice.'

'Okay, so it's not a violin, but he is playing our song.'

"A table in Siberia, please."

"Ignore the screams, sir. I'll get a new fork."

"Welcome to the Short Staffed Cafe serving food like your grandma cooked. Is your grandma busy? We really need a cook."

'Today's special is yesterday's left-overs.'

'This melts in the mouth.' 'It's ice cubes.'

'Would you care for a drink while your food is being defrosted?'

"Have you had a chance to look at the menu?"

"A number of items on that menu are consistently chosen by an overwhelming majority of the American people."

"I'm not all you can eat? But I brought my special plate!"