Diner Delighter Gifts

'So, I'm deluded am I? You're just jealous because that, hot young waitress keeps coming on to me.'

Counting ribs

'Before I order breakfast, which way is it to the 'International Bathroom of Pancakes'?'

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

'Who gets the decaf?'

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.

"What!?! I like a nice salad every now and then, too. What of it?"

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

Al's Diner. Special: Spaghetti. All You Can Eat $3.95. Ernie, don't play with your food unless you're sure you can win.

'Would you like some of our house wine? I just made it.'

'One placebo or two, doctor?'

Choice hellhole

'Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!' 'That's not soup! It's gumbo.'

"I think what I love most is the smile on her face as she feeds me!"

'Cook is a musician. Improvises. Never makes the same thing twice.'

"The usual."

"Our sommelier - years of experience in French urinals."

'Today's special is yesterday's left-overs.'

"Welcome to the Short Staffed Cafe serving food like your grandma cooked. Is your grandma busy? We really need a cook."

'Would you care for a drink while your food is being defrosted?'

De ja vu soup - 'It was yesterday's 'soup of the day'.'

'This melts in the mouth.' 'It's ice cubes.'

"A number of items on that menu are consistently chosen by an overwhelming majority of the American people."

'Hey, Frenchie - you call this paupiettes de beouf aux legumes?'

Diner. We're out of link sausages. Are patties okay? Any pork in a storm!

"What do you recommend today?"

No, sir, that entr

"I'm trying to decide between water and sunlight."