Diner Delight Gifts

'Our chicken patties are beef and pork.'

'Freezer is on the blink.'

"We also have pease porridge, hot or cold. Not terribly fresh, I'm afraid."

'Before I order breakfast, which way is it to the 'International Bathroom of Pancakes'?'

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

"What!?! I like a nice salad every now and then, too. What of it?"

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

'Would you like some of our house wine? I just made it.'

"I think what I love most is the smile on her face as she feeds me!"

'Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!' 'That's not soup! It's gumbo.'

"Our sommelier - years of experience in French urinals."

"Hey! What did I tell you about drinking right out of your super bowl, young man?"

"It was a really classy restaurant. The waiters drop the food on the floor for you."

"The chef recommends the most expensive dish on the menu."

"What do you recommend today?"

'Greek restaurant?' 'No, menu upside down.'

"I'm trying to decide between water and sunlight."

No, sir, that entr

"Don't you just love it when they lick the plates?"

"Meditation is too hard. How do you keep one thought in your mind for this long?"

'Do you have eczema?' 'No, only what's on the menu.'

'Home-made pie will be quick, I only live 10 minutes from here.'

'What a relief to find out that fewer calories don't add up to longevity.'

F&E Diner. You asked for a hot breakfast, so I put some jalapenos on your corn flakes!

"... Wine list? No, we don't have a wine list! Perhaps I can get sir something from the vending machine?"

"How did you find your steak, sir?"

"Hope I like it? Are you kidding me? Grass is my FAVOURITE!"

Heavenly Take Out

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Cook Book. The cookbooks are just Ernie's way of shifting the blame.

'I'll be back to take your order as soon as I've eaten.'

'I try to watch what I eat, but my eyes aren't always fast enough...'

'I'll give you a tip mate, stop looking down my wife's dress'

'Hey!! Put your plate in the dishwasher!'

"It's new. It's called a pre-tip. You pay me now and I'll actually bring your food before it's cold!"