Diner Delight T-Shirts

'Our chicken patties are beef and pork.'

'Freezer is on the blink.'

"We also have pease porridge, hot or cold. Not terribly fresh, I'm afraid."

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

"What!?! I like a nice salad every now and then, too. What of it?"

'Would you like some of our house wine? I just made it.'

'Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!' 'That's not soup! It's gumbo.'

"I think what I love most is the smile on her face as she feeds me!"

"Our sommelier - years of experience in French urinals."

'Greek restaurant?' 'No, menu upside down.'

"It was a really classy restaurant. The waiters drop the food on the floor for you."

"I'm trying to decide between water and sunlight."

"The chef recommends the most expensive dish on the menu."

"What do you recommend today?"

"Don't you just love it when they lick the plates?"

"Meditation is too hard. How do you keep one thought in your mind for this long?"

'Do you have eczema?' 'No, only what's on the menu.'

'What a relief to find out that fewer calories don't add up to longevity.'

'Home-made pie will be quick, I only live 10 minutes from here.'

"How did you find your steak, sir?"

"Hope I like it? Are you kidding me? Grass is my FAVOURITE!"

"... Wine list? No, we don't have a wine list! Perhaps I can get sir something from the vending machine?"

'Hey!! Put your plate in the dishwasher!'

"It's new. It's called a pre-tip. You pay me now and I'll actually bring your food before it's cold!"

'I try to watch what I eat, but my eyes aren't always fast enough...'

'I'll give you a tip mate, stop looking down my wife's dress'

'I'll be back to take your order as soon as I've eaten.'

Man walks into a restaurant with a sign saying "Billy Bob's Diner - We don't let the federal government tell us what to do with our tainted beef".

We don't have poached eggs. How about an elephant tusk?'

TGI Doomsday.