Diner Darling T-Shirts

'Do you have eczema?' 'No, only what's on the menu.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'Before I order breakfast, which way is it to the 'International Bathroom of Pancakes'?'

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

"You keep impeccable time."

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

Countervailing Clichés.

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

Diner

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

'How is the water prepared?'

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

"'Well done' lulled him into complacency."

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

'Meat cooked, but carrots still hard.' Hand in pot

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

'How would you like your toast?'

"I think what I love most is the smile on her face as she feeds me!"

'Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!' 'That's not soup! It's gumbo.'

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

"A votre sante!"

"Today's special is we'll pull the plug on the jukebox if someone else's music annoys you."

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

'I can't have you spending all of your money on fancy restaurants like this, Jeff.'

Zagat Rated.

"This IS a chicken fried steak!"

Dave's Hamburger Shop

A menu with risks and benefits