Dinner Bell Darling T-Shirts

"You keep impeccable time."

LAY ZEE FUK

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

Dialogue

'Meat cooked, but carrots still hard.' Hand in pot

"I think what I love most is the smile on her face as she feeds me!"

'White beetroot?' 'I bleached them.'

'This chicken has no taste or character.' 'I thought you wanted to eat it, not offer it a job.'

'Only the years when the market was bullish...'

"What, exactly, did you say to the maître d'?"

'This is not Hungarian stew.' 'We ran out of Hungarians.'

'This melts in the mouth.' 'It's ice cubes.'

I like the look of the sherry trifle!

'Glass of hot water please, I want to wash the cutlery'

'Your tea is getting cold.'

Woman serving tea from a huge barbecue-like teacup.

'Greek restaurant?' 'No, menu upside down.'

'You're pushing food round your plate.' 'No, it's moving on its own.'

"Meditation is too hard. How do you keep one thought in your mind for this long?"

'Do you have eczema?' 'No, only what's on the menu.'

'I don't leave until I've heard all 25 songs.'

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'

Schoolgirl in canteen: 'The food's great but I wish they'd stop calling it 'pukka tukka'.'

Man eating his meal with his feet.

Cut out and keep your own Cleaner.

"Don't eat anything fatty...you're not listening, Fatty...I said, 'Don't eat anything!'"

Catering for a large family.

'How old is the Stilton?' 'It used to be Cheddar.'

'He's very fussy about his food.'

'Great crisps.' 'Yes, they're old cornflakes and salt.'

'Your meal should be along shortly. Frank just went out to hunt it.'

"Those aren't three-star-restaurant pants."

Man walks into a restaurant with a sign saying "Billy Bob's Diner - We don't let the federal government tell us what to do with our tainted beef".