Dining Delight Seeker T-Shirts

"Our sommelier - years of experience in French urinals."

The Main Types of Cheese

"I'd kill for a fresh fruit fritter."

No Cavity Club/No New Gum Receding Club

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

Platter confusion.

"What!?! I like a nice salad every now and then, too. What of it?"

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

'Would you like some of our house wine? I just made it.'

"I think what I love most is the smile on her face as she feeds me!"

"I'm not trying to freak you out, but your eel roll is moving."

'Greek restaurant?' 'No, menu upside down.'

"The chef recommends the most expensive dish on the menu."

"Woah - random!"

"Have you had a chance to look at the menu?"

"I'm trying to decide between water and sunlight."

"Don't you just love it when they lick the plates?"

"Meditation is too hard. How do you keep one thought in your mind for this long?"

"How did you find your steak, sir?"

"Waiter - there's a fly in my soup."

"Are you enjoying your escargot?"

"It's new. It's called a pre-tip. You pay me now and I'll actually bring your food before it's cold!"

'I'll give you a tip mate, stop looking down my wife's dress'

'I'm impressed at your choice sir, you certainly know your budget wines.'

'I'll be back to take your order as soon as I've eaten.'

'Is anything O.K.?'

'It's not nouvelle cuisine, Monsieur. You've ordered from the children's menu.'

'Freezer is on the blink.'

'How's the chilli today?'; 'Much better than yesterday - I think it had a good night's sleep.'

'I wish I had eaten all that bread.'

Ah-chmoo!

'Our chicken patties are beef and pork.'

Happy Birthday! Surprise!

"We also have pease porridge, hot or cold. Not terribly fresh, I'm afraid."

'Waiter! -- this alphabet soup is making unwelcome sexual remarks!'