Dining Seeker T-Shirts

"Waiter - there's a fly in my soup."

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

'Waiter, there's a Fly-Agaric in my soup.'

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

Platter confusion.

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

"It's an extra $2.00 if you want a candle with a wick."

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

"I'm not trying to freak you out, but your eel roll is moving."

"Our sommelier - years of experience in French urinals."

'I said, 'I'd like to see the chef!''

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

"A table in Siberia, please."

Rare Medical Conditions - The compulsive desire to work out restaurant bills correctly

"As your attorney, I advise you to assign blame, question motives, attack the media, THEN send your steak back to the kitchen."

"How 'local' is the fish?"

"I'll have your check in a moment, sir."

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

"Don't tell him anything."

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."

"Ignore the screams, sir. I'll get a new fork."

"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"

'Careful, the plate is really hot.'

"You can tell it's a classy restaurant - they're ignoring us with panache."