Dining Seeker T-Shirts

"Waiter - there's a fly in my soup."

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

'Waiter, there's a Fly-Agaric in my soup.'

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

'Would you folks like sparkling water or tap water?'

Platter confusion.

Some days, we all just feel like a little take-out lo mein.

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

"It's an extra $2.00 if you want a candle with a wick."

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

"A table in Siberia, please."

"As your attorney, I advise you to assign blame, question motives, attack the media, THEN send your steak back to the kitchen."

"Don't tell him anything."

Who had the cod, and who had the flying fish?

Rare Medical Conditions - The compulsive desire to work out restaurant bills correctly

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

'I said, 'I'd like to see the chef!''

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."

"I'm not trying to freak you out, but your eel roll is moving."

"Our sommelier - years of experience in French urinals."

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

"I'll have your check in a moment, sir."

"How 'local' is the fish?"

"Ignore the screams, sir. I'll get a new fork."

"You can tell it's a classy restaurant - they're ignoring us with panache."

"Have you had a chance to look at the menu?"