Gourmet Seeker T-Shirts

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

Please wait to be vetted

'I'm looking for the perfect coffee to pair with a toaster strudel & a banana.'

Oyster Bar.

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

"She'll have the salmon, and you'll have the chopped salad with so many substitutions it's now chicken piccata."

"The meatloaf lacks the joie de vivre I was hoping for."

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"You're the lid to my pot."

La Table

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

"...But ASIDE from that, how was your trip to France?"

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

I wish I'd had the review.

'What wine goes with comfort foods?'

"Cancel the trip. The cook didn't get a visa."

Holiday Supplies

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

"You've ordered comfort food. May I recommend a comfort wine?"

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"I think foie gras is French for endless buffet."