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"Yeah, I paid $29 for mouthwash -- it's a small batch mouthwash."

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

La Table

"You're the lid to my pot."

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

"...But ASIDE from that, how was your trip to France?"

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

'What wine goes with comfort foods?'

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

I wish I'd had the review.

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

'I'll give you a bite of my calamari for one of your stuffed shrimp.'

"I didn't invent the wheel. I invented the pizza."

"The food here is excellent- what time is breakfast?"

"There must be a place we can wait on line for an hour before eating."

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

Join me for dinner?

"Then again, an honest profile picture would not have got me a wonderful 'Duck Confit with a Chocolat Creme Brulee.'"

Haute Chinese

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

"We can hit any creperie you want, sonny boy."

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.