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'Could I have the traditional Christmas dinner but without meat or dairy and could guarantee it's organic and GM free.'

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

La Table

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

"...But ASIDE from that, how was your trip to France?"

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

"This is locally grown and good for the environment, but it may give you greenhouse gas."

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

I wish I'd had the review.

"Cancel the trip. The cook didn't get a visa."

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

'What wine goes with comfort foods?'

Holiday Supplies

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

"Vegetables, vegetables, vegetables, welcome to my dystopian world!"

"You've ordered comfort food. May I recommend a comfort wine?"

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"They won't even try their palate cleansers!"

"I don’t know, Margaret. She looks like the type who makes exotic stuffings."

"It's a Haiku Dinner."

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"I think foie gras is French for endless buffet."

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."