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'I'm impressed at your choice sir, you certainly know your budget wines.'

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"Ten Dollars?! I can't eat that." Bob was on a strict low-cost diet.

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

'Waiter, there's a Fly-Agaric in my soup.'

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

Platter confusion.

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

Rare Medical Conditions - The compulsive desire to work out restaurant bills correctly

'I said, 'I'd like to see the chef!''

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."

"As your attorney, I advise you to assign blame, question motives, attack the media, THEN send your steak back to the kitchen."

"I'll have the sticky rack of ribs for my main course and something vegan for my Instagram post."

"Don't tell him anything."

"Our sommelier - years of experience in French urinals."

"I'm not trying to freak you out, but your eel roll is moving."

"I'll have your check in a moment, sir."

"How 'local' is the fish?"

'Mine was stone cold.'

"You can tell it's a classy restaurant - they're ignoring us with panache."

"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"

"Have you had a chance to look at the menu?"

Plane with banner shoots at another.

'No, no... I ordered a tart, not a tort!'

"To prevent any complaints like "when will our ordered food be served" guests can now follow the work in the kitchen on TV."

'We're at an Italian restaurant this time, Kevin -- those are breadsticks, not giant-size chopsticks.'

'Well, that's the last of the garlic repellent.'

"Are you enjoying your escargot?"

"This place is slipping. The 'Chef's Surprise' looks more like a cook's confusion."