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Brexit Dinner Menu

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

Platter confusion.

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

"What!?! I like a nice salad every now and then, too. What of it?"

'Would you like some of our house wine? I just made it.'

"I think what I love most is the smile on her face as she feeds me!"

"Our sommelier - years of experience in French urinals."

"Have you had a chance to look at the menu?"

"The chef recommends the most expensive dish on the menu."

'Greek restaurant?' 'No, menu upside down.'

'Only the years when the market was bullish...'

No, sir, that entr

"I'm trying to decide between water and sunlight."

"Don't you just love it when they lick the plates?"

"Meditation is too hard. How do you keep one thought in your mind for this long?"

"They have a great deal here. When you buy one meal, I get mine half price!"

'Waiter, there's going to be a fly in my soup!'

"Are you enjoying your escargot?"

"How did you find your steak, sir?"

Heavenly Take Out

'I'll be back to take your order as soon as I've eaten.'

'I'll give you a tip mate, stop looking down my wife's dress'

'I'm impressed at your choice sir, you certainly know your budget wines.'

"It's new. It's called a pre-tip. You pay me now and I'll actually bring your food before it's cold!"

'Is anything O.K.?'

'It's not nouvelle cuisine, Monsieur. You've ordered from the children's menu.'

'He's busy right now, sweating out a risky trade. Can he call you back?'

'How's the chilli today?'; 'Much better than yesterday - I think it had a good night's sleep.'

'Freezer is on the blink.'

"We also have pease porridge, hot or cold. Not terribly fresh, I'm afraid."

'Our chicken patties are beef and pork.'

'Waiter! -- this alphabet soup is making unwelcome sexual remarks!'

Gone out.Your custard pie's in the oven.

'There's a chandelier in my soup.'