Dining Delights Gifts

'Chef says you can lick out the bowl.'

'I'll be back to take your order as soon as I've eaten.'

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

"Shouldn't you use a plate?"

"What!?! I like a nice salad every now and then, too. What of it?"

'Would you like some of our house wine? I just made it.'

"I think what I love most is the smile on her face as she feeds me!"

"Our sommelier - years of experience in French urinals."

'Did anyone hand in a mature stilton last week?'

"The chef recommends the most expensive dish on the menu."

'Greek restaurant?' 'No, menu upside down.'

"Hey! What did I tell you about drinking right out of your super bowl, young man?"

No, sir, that entr

"I'm trying to decide between water and sunlight."

'Compliments to the chef from tables eight and nine, raves from bables twelve and fourteen, and proposals of marriage from tables seventeen, eighteen and nineteen.'

"Don't you just love it when they lick the plates?"

"Meditation is too hard. How do you keep one thought in your mind for this long?"

"I avoid the 3 'Bs' when I'm dieting - boxes, buckets and bags."

"It turs out my milk is actually aging cream...so, I use it to remove all those ugly age spots."

"How did you find your steak, sir?"

The Deli Counter

'I try to watch what I eat, but my eyes aren't always fast enough...'

'I'll give you a tip mate, stop looking down my wife's dress'

"It's new. It's called a pre-tip. You pay me now and I'll actually bring your food before it's cold!"

'Never mind the fresh food nurse - at my age I need all the preservatives I can get!'

The Cheese God

'What's the 'catch of the day'?'

'How's the chilli today?'; 'Much better than yesterday - I think it had a good night's sleep.'

'These are natural and organic ... two slabs of hog's bacon deep fried in crispy batter and dipped in chocolate.'

'Freezer is on the blink.'

'Our chicken patties are beef and pork.'

Gone out.Your custard pie's in the oven.

'There's a chandelier in my soup.'

"We also have pease porridge, hot or cold. Not terribly fresh, I'm afraid."

'No, it's not that good, but it is that expensive.'