Luxury Dining Delight Gifts

"The chef recommends the most expensive dish on the menu."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

Dog Dressed to Eat

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

"Regular service or affected?"

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

'It's first flush Darjeeling darling!'

"The special is… pine nut encrusted… filet of salmon… in a balsamic wine reduction."

"What!?! I like a nice salad every now and then, too. What of it?"

'Would you like some of our house wine? I just made it.'

"I think what I love most is the smile on her face as she feeds me!"

"Our sommelier - years of experience in French urinals."

"This wine tastes like a**....Bring me every bottle you have!"

"The chef made some substitutions to tonight's menu. Instead of Escarots a la Bourguignonne, he's cooking hot dogs."

"I think glamour is fine until it slips over into glitz."

"I'm trying to decide between water and sunlight."

"Great God Almighty! Somebody please wake me up and tell me I'm only dreaming that the chicken marsala costs a whopping twenty-eight ninety-five!"

"When I eat out, I like to order something I would never make at home."

'Greek restaurant?' 'No, menu upside down.'

"Don't you just love it when they lick the plates?"

"How did you find your steak, sir?"

'Can I get you anything else, sir?'

"It's new. It's called a pre-tip. You pay me now and I'll actually bring your food before it's cold!"

'I'll give you a tip mate, stop looking down my wife's dress'

"What's upscale today, Joey?"

'I'll be back to take your order as soon as I've eaten.'

"Will the gentleman want the saumon poché with or without his initials?"

'How's the chilli today?'; 'Much better than yesterday - I think it had a good night's sleep.'

Foodie Bank

'Freezer is on the blink.'

'Our chicken patties are beef and pork.'

'Waiter! -- this alphabet soup is making unwelcome sexual remarks!'

"We also have pease porridge, hot or cold. Not terribly fresh, I'm afraid."

'No, it's not that good, but it is that expensive.'