Dining Delight Gifts

"Don't you just love it when they lick the plates?"

'Would you like some of our house wine? I just made it.'

"Table for two and a half?"

'No, it's not that good, but it is that expensive.'

"How did you find your steak, sir?"

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

'I'll give you a tip mate, stop looking down my wife's dress'

'Waiter! -- this alphabet soup is making unwelcome sexual remarks!'

'Which section... gay waiters who'll flirt with you or straight waiters who'll flirt with the lady?'

"Would you like me to change it for something else, Sir?"

'I've had the chef's surprise before, so it won't be a surprise. Do I get a discount?'

'Waiter! I think this crab is underdone.'

'That's our waitress, sir - the dish of the day is on the blackboard!'

"It's new. It's called a pre-tip. You pay me now and I'll actually bring your food before it's cold!"

'How's the chilli today?'; 'Much better than yesterday - I think it had a good night's sleep.'

"What!?! I like a nice salad every now and then, too. What of it?"

'Sorry for the delay, sir -- your regular waiter entered the Federal Witness Protection Program.'

"I'm trying to decide between water and sunlight."

"Although you've yet to try your water or even order an entree, how is everything?"

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

Chocs away.

"Shouldn't you use a plate?"

"Hey, Al! What do you know about shelf life?"

"I think what I love most is the smile on her face as she feeds me!"

"Our sommelier - years of experience in French urinals."

'Did anyone hand in a mature stilton last week?'

"The chef recommends the most expensive dish on the menu."

"It was a really classy restaurant. The waiters drop the food on the floor for you."

'Greek restaurant?' 'No, menu upside down.'

'Compliments to the chef from tables eight and nine, raves from bables twelve and fourteen, and proposals of marriage from tables seventeen, eighteen and nineteen.'

'Oh Yeah! It's frosty! BOO-YAH!'

"Meditation is too hard. How do you keep one thought in your mind for this long?"

"I avoid the 3 'Bs' when I'm dieting - boxes, buckets and bags."

'I try to watch what I eat, but my eyes aren't always fast enough...'

'Never mind the fresh food nurse - at my age I need all the preservatives I can get!'