Dining Delights Pillows

'Chef says you can lick out the bowl.'

'I'll be back to take your order as soon as I've eaten.'

"Shouldn't you use a plate?"

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

"What!?! I like a nice salad every now and then, too. What of it?"

'Would you like some of our house wine? I just made it.'

"I think what I love most is the smile on her face as she feeds me!"

"Our sommelier - years of experience in French urinals."

'Did anyone hand in a mature stilton last week?'

'Compliments to the chef from tables eight and nine, raves from bables twelve and fourteen, and proposals of marriage from tables seventeen, eighteen and nineteen.'

'Greek restaurant?' 'No, menu upside down.'

"I'm trying to decide between water and sunlight."

"The chef recommends the most expensive dish on the menu."

"Don't you just love it when they lick the plates?"

"Meditation is too hard. How do you keep one thought in your mind for this long?"

"How did you find your steak, sir?"

"I avoid the 3 'Bs' when I'm dieting - boxes, buckets and bags."

'Never mind the fresh food nurse - at my age I need all the preservatives I can get!'

'I'll give you a tip mate, stop looking down my wife's dress'

'I try to watch what I eat, but my eyes aren't always fast enough...'

"It's new. It's called a pre-tip. You pay me now and I'll actually bring your food before it's cold!"

The Deli Counter

The Cheese God

'These are natural and organic ... two slabs of hog's bacon deep fried in crispy batter and dipped in chocolate.'

'What's the 'catch of the day'?'

'How's the chilli today?'; 'Much better than yesterday - I think it had a good night's sleep.'

'Freezer is on the blink.'

'No, it's not that good, but it is that expensive.'

'There's a chandelier in my soup.'

"We also have pease porridge, hot or cold. Not terribly fresh, I'm afraid."

'Is it organic?'

'Our chicken patties are beef and pork.'

'Waiter! -- this alphabet soup is making unwelcome sexual remarks!'

Gone out.Your custard pie's in the oven.