Dieter's Delight Gifts

'I try to watch what I eat, but my eyes aren't always fast enough...'

Chocs away.

"What!?! I like a nice salad every now and then, too. What of it?"

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

'Would you like some of our house wine? I just made it.'

"I think what I love most is the smile on her face as she feeds me!"

"Our sommelier - years of experience in French urinals."

'Greek restaurant?' 'No, menu upside down.'

"I'm trying to decide between water and sunlight."

No, sir, that entr

'Oh Yeah! It's frosty! BOO-YAH!'

Aiiiii! Fat! Cholesterol! Food!

"Don't you just love it when they lick the plates?"

"Meditation is too hard. How do you keep one thought in your mind for this long?"

"How did you find your steak, sir?"

"It turs out my milk is actually aging cream...so, I use it to remove all those ugly age spots."

"I avoid the 3 'Bs' when I'm dieting - boxes, buckets and bags."

'What I like about these diet pills is that they're chocolate covered.'

"I'm Roberto, and I'll be your waiter this evening. This is Carl. He's in charge of portion control."

"Now I'm going to offer a second opinion."

'I'll give you a tip mate, stop looking down my wife's dress'

"It's new. It's called a pre-tip. You pay me now and I'll actually bring your food before it's cold!"

'I'll be back to take your order as soon as I've eaten.'

'No, he's right. Cows have three udders. One for skim milk, one for two percent and the third one's for lactose free.'

'These are natural and organic ... two slabs of hog's bacon deep fried in crispy batter and dipped in chocolate.'

'How's the chilli today?'; 'Much better than yesterday - I think it had a good night's sleep.'

'Freezer is on the blink.'

'The diet plate is just like the regular plate, M'sieur, except that you have to eat it through a tennis racquet.'

'Now, don't panic, but I'd like you to take off all your clothes so we can burn them.'

Active Yogurt Culture

Gone out.Your custard pie's in the oven.

"We also have pease porridge, hot or cold. Not terribly fresh, I'm afraid."

'Is it organic?'

'Our chicken patties are beef and pork.'

"In Mexico and El Salvador, they call cake 'pastel.' Colombians and Argentines call it a 'torta.' Puerto Ricans and 'Domicans call it 'bizcocho.' And Cubans call it 'keik.'"