Dieter's Delight Pillows

'I try to watch what I eat, but my eyes aren't always fast enough...'

Chocs away.

"What!?! I like a nice salad every now and then, too. What of it?"

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

'Would you like some of our house wine? I just made it.'

"I think what I love most is the smile on her face as she feeds me!"

"Our sommelier - years of experience in French urinals."

"I'm trying to decide between water and sunlight."

Aiiiii! Fat! Cholesterol! Food!

'Greek restaurant?' 'No, menu upside down.'

'Oh Yeah! It's frosty! BOO-YAH!'

"Don't you just love it when they lick the plates?"

"Meditation is too hard. How do you keep one thought in your mind for this long?"

"I avoid the 3 'Bs' when I'm dieting - boxes, buckets and bags."

"How did you find your steak, sir?"

'What I like about these diet pills is that they're chocolate covered.'

'No, he's right. Cows have three udders. One for skim milk, one for two percent and the third one's for lactose free.'

'I'll give you a tip mate, stop looking down my wife's dress'

'I'll be back to take your order as soon as I've eaten.'

"I'm Roberto, and I'll be your waiter this evening. This is Carl. He's in charge of portion control."

"Now I'm going to offer a second opinion."

"It's new. It's called a pre-tip. You pay me now and I'll actually bring your food before it's cold!"

'Freezer is on the blink.'

'These are natural and organic ... two slabs of hog's bacon deep fried in crispy batter and dipped in chocolate.'

'The diet plate is just like the regular plate, M'sieur, except that you have to eat it through a tennis racquet.'

'How's the chilli today?'; 'Much better than yesterday - I think it had a good night's sleep.'

'Now, don't panic, but I'd like you to take off all your clothes so we can burn them.'

Active Yogurt Culture

'Our chicken patties are beef and pork.'

'Is it organic?'

"We also have pease porridge, hot or cold. Not terribly fresh, I'm afraid."

"In Mexico and El Salvador, they call cake 'pastel.' Colombians and Argentines call it a 'torta.' Puerto Ricans and 'Domicans call it 'bizcocho.' And Cubans call it 'keik.'"

Farmer Pickles Present.