Dietician's Delight Pillows

"Now ladies, I hope none of you have been cheating."

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

"Shouldn't you use a plate?"

"What!?! I like a nice salad every now and then, too. What of it?"

'Would you like some of our house wine? I just made it.'

'Did anyone hand in a mature stilton last week?'

'Bradley is a strict vegetarian. Do you have broccoli flavored lipstick?'

'Compliments to the chef from tables eight and nine, raves from bables twelve and fourteen, and proposals of marriage from tables seventeen, eighteen and nineteen.'

Aiiiii! Fat! Cholesterol! Food!

"I'm trying to decide between water and sunlight."

"Don't you just love it when they lick the plates?"

'My parents are giving up desserts for Lent, so I'm balancing the family diet by giving up vegetables.'

Trying on boots

"I avoid the 3 'Bs' when I'm dieting - boxes, buckets and bags."

"How did you find your steak, sir?"

"It's new. It's called a pre-tip. You pay me now and I'll actually bring your food before it's cold!"

'I'll be back to take your order as soon as I've eaten.'

'Never mind the fresh food nurse - at my age I need all the preservatives I can get!'

"Now I'm going to offer a second opinion."

'I'll give you a tip mate, stop looking down my wife's dress'

'I try to watch what I eat, but my eyes aren't always fast enough...'

"I'm Roberto, and I'll be your waiter this evening. This is Carl. He's in charge of portion control."

Sugar Maple: Regular/Calorie-Reduced

'How's the chilli today?'; 'Much better than yesterday - I think it had a good night's sleep.'

'These are natural and organic ... two slabs of hog's bacon deep fried in crispy batter and dipped in chocolate.'

The 5th Basic Food Group - Junk Food.

'What's the 'catch of the day'?'

'Now, don't panic, but I'd like you to take off all your clothes so we can burn them.'

"In Mexico and El Salvador, they call cake 'pastel.' Colombians and Argentines call it a 'torta.' Puerto Ricans and 'Domicans call it 'bizcocho.' And Cubans call it 'keik.'"

'Is it organic?'

'I don't care if it IS Tofurkey...I am not eating that!'

'Waiter! -- this alphabet soup is making unwelcome sexual remarks!'

Wait a minute! What about those reports that worms are terribly high in cholesterol?

'No, it's not that good, but it is that expensive.'