Doctor's Delight Pillows

'Now, don't panic, but I'd like you to take off all your clothes so we can burn them.'

"Now I'm going to offer a second opinion."

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

"Shake! Good Dog."

Rock Climber

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

"What!?! I like a nice salad every now and then, too. What of it?"

'Would you like some of our house wine? I just made it.'

'Well, we're off for our xmas break - I'm sure you can manage without us for a couple of weeks.'

'You tell me how he does it.'

"I'm trying to decide between water and sunlight."

Aiiiii! Fat! Cholesterol! Food!

'Could you wear a Dr. Phil mask?'

"Don't you just love it when they lick the plates?"

"How did you find your steak, sir?"

Puzzle books - Guaranteed to fry your brain.

"It's cooties."

'I try to watch what I eat, but my eyes aren't always fast enough...'

'I'll give you a tip mate, stop looking down my wife's dress'

"It's new. It's called a pre-tip. You pay me now and I'll actually bring your food before it's cold!"

"Jimmy Choo, Mahnolo Blahnik- honestly can't taste the difference."

Tipp-kick for brain surgeons.

'Freezer is on the blink.'

'How's the chilli today?'; 'Much better than yesterday - I think it had a good night's sleep.'

'Waiter! -- this alphabet soup is making unwelcome sexual remarks!'

"Yes, hello. I'm hoping you've found a cure for my hiccups...but I'm not holding my breath!"

'Our chicken patties are beef and pork.'

"I was very good...delicious in fact."

"Same weight as you were in high school, great....now put the other foot on the scale too!"

'No, it's not that good, but it is that expensive.'

'I've enhanced our caller I.D.'

"We also have pease porridge, hot or cold. Not terribly fresh, I'm afraid."