Digestive Delight Pillows

Diarrhoea Discussion Class: Runs Until Friday

"Shake! Good Dog."

"Shouldn't you use a plate?"

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

"What!?! I like a nice salad every now and then, too. What of it?"

'Would you like some of our house wine? I just made it.'

"I think what I love most is the smile on her face as she feeds me!"

"Our sommelier - years of experience in French urinals."

'You tell me how he does it.'

'Did anyone hand in a mature stilton last week?'

'Greek restaurant?' 'No, menu upside down.'

"I'm trying to decide between water and sunlight."

'Bradley is a strict vegetarian. Do you have broccoli flavored lipstick?'

'Compliments to the chef from tables eight and nine, raves from bables twelve and fourteen, and proposals of marriage from tables seventeen, eighteen and nineteen.'

Aiiiii! Fat! Cholesterol! Food!

"Don't you just love it when they lick the plates?"

"How did you find your steak, sir?"

"I avoid the 3 'Bs' when I'm dieting - boxes, buckets and bags."

"Now I'm going to offer a second opinion."

'I'll give you a tip mate, stop looking down my wife's dress'

"It's new. It's called a pre-tip. You pay me now and I'll actually bring your food before it's cold!"

'Never mind the fresh food nurse - at my age I need all the preservatives I can get!'

'I'll be back to take your order as soon as I've eaten.'

"Jimmy Choo, Mahnolo Blahnik- honestly can't taste the difference."

The Cheese God

'How's the chilli today?'; 'Much better than yesterday - I think it had a good night's sleep.'

'Freezer is on the blink.'

'What's the 'catch of the day'?'

'Now, don't panic, but I'd like you to take off all your clothes so we can burn them.'

'I don't care if it IS Tofurkey...I am not eating that!'

'Is it organic?'

"We also have pease porridge, hot or cold. Not terribly fresh, I'm afraid."

'Our chicken patties are beef and pork.'

"In Mexico and El Salvador, they call cake 'pastel.' Colombians and Argentines call it a 'torta.' Puerto Ricans and 'Domicans call it 'bizcocho.' And Cubans call it 'keik.'"

'No, it's not that good, but it is that expensive.'