Dietitian's Delight Gifts

Aiiiii! Fat! Cholesterol! Food!

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

"Shouldn't you use a plate?"

"What!?! I like a nice salad every now and then, too. What of it?"

'Would you like some of our house wine? I just made it.'

'Did anyone hand in a mature stilton last week?'

'Bradley is a strict vegetarian. Do you have broccoli flavored lipstick?'

'Compliments to the chef from tables eight and nine, raves from bables twelve and fourteen, and proposals of marriage from tables seventeen, eighteen and nineteen.'

"I'm trying to decide between water and sunlight."

"Don't you just love it when they lick the plates?"

'My parents are giving up desserts for Lent, so I'm balancing the family diet by giving up vegetables.'

"How did you find your steak, sir?"

"I avoid the 3 'Bs' when I'm dieting - boxes, buckets and bags."

"It's new. It's called a pre-tip. You pay me now and I'll actually bring your food before it's cold!"

"I'm Roberto, and I'll be your waiter this evening. This is Carl. He's in charge of portion control."

'I try to watch what I eat, but my eyes aren't always fast enough...'

"Now I'm going to offer a second opinion."

'I'll be back to take your order as soon as I've eaten.'

'I'll give you a tip mate, stop looking down my wife's dress'

'Never mind the fresh food nurse - at my age I need all the preservatives I can get!'

'How's the chilli today?'; 'Much better than yesterday - I think it had a good night's sleep.'

'What's the 'catch of the day'?'

The 5th Basic Food Group - Junk Food.

Sugar Maple: Regular/Calorie-Reduced

'These are natural and organic ... two slabs of hog's bacon deep fried in crispy batter and dipped in chocolate.'

'Now, don't panic, but I'd like you to take off all your clothes so we can burn them.'

'Is it organic?'

'Waiter! -- this alphabet soup is making unwelcome sexual remarks!'

'I don't care if it IS Tofurkey...I am not eating that!'

"In Mexico and El Salvador, they call cake 'pastel.' Colombians and Argentines call it a 'torta.' Puerto Ricans and 'Domicans call it 'bizcocho.' And Cubans call it 'keik.'"

Wait a minute! What about those reports that worms are terribly high in cholesterol?

'No, it's not that good, but it is that expensive.'

'That's for you - I've been a bit concerned about your blood pressure lately.'

"Table for two and a half?"